Congratulations on surviving another day without committing a felony.
This sarcastic participation award keychain is here to celebrate the bare minimum, and we mean that lovingly.

Designed to resemble a classic award ribbon, this dark humor keychain features bold red acrylic layered over black with engraved lettering that reads “I Didn’t Murder Anyone Today.” It’s equal parts therapy, coping mechanism, and warning label.

Perfect for people who are tired, overstimulated, and doing their absolute best not to snap.

🔥 Details

• Text: “I Didn’t Murder Anyone Today”

• Sarcastic participation award ribbon design

• Red & black engraving plastic

• Matching black enamel-plated split key ring

• Size: 1.75” x 2.4”

• Lightweight, sturdy, and unapologetic

• Laser cut & assembled by hand

🖤 Perfect For

• Dark humor addicts

• True crime fans

• Office burnout survivors

• Coworkers who get it

• People held together by caffeine & spite

• Anyone proud of doing the bare fucking minimum

Clip it to your keys, bag, or lanyard as a daily reminder that restraint is a skill, and you nailed it today.

Check out the matching earrings, lapel pins, stickers and frig magnets also available!